Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
