What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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