did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
