guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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