eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We left the knife in your bed.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
