North Korea, Best Korea!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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