It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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