hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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