We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
