that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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