He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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