I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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