dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
