a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Boobs are out for the taking
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I believe in your delicious
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
