Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
