The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
