She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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