Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
