AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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