Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i think i have herpe
just one?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
