remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
