Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
