She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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