hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
