ugly people sure do ruin things
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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