I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
