Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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