Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
