i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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