Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
