Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
