just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
