So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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