it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
