hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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