dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
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He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
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Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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