I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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