i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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