I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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