go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You pole danced in your parka.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
