exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
