My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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