K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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