there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
