did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
