So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So much Jack, so little girl.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
