Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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