ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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