Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
