fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
