Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
