I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
