So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
