I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
