i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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