so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
