If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
