In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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