im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
