part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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