out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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