I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Randomize
