I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
vagina is talking i cant
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
