I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
