Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize