You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
