if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize