the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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