the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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